Advise For Humans And Autobots To Get Along
by Norasalina
Summary: Some advise for the new recruits from Lennox and Jazz. OC will be commenting.


**~AN~ (Author's Note)**

**So, I'm having a bit of writer's block on my "Transformers AU: Earth" fic, and writer's block + boredom + my sense of humor = A LIST! Enjoy!**

This is Lennox.

This is Jazz.

_(This is Red.)_

_**Directed at Autobots **_

_**Directed at Humans**_

Lennox here. So me and Jazz noticed that some of the new recruits, both Human and Cybertronian, sometimes have a hard time getting along. To help them, we are making this list, with me advising humans...

And me advisin tha Bots.

As usual, Red will be, quote, "helping".

_(Well duh! You two would be lost without me.)_

Sure we would. Now, les get started.

**1. ****Show each other respect. **

This one is for both humans and Bots. Some of the new recruits (_Stupid liaison sympathizers!_) don't see why they should take orders from the Autobots, since they aren't human.

And a few Bots (_Sideswipe, we're looking at you._) have yet ta realize that callin em "squishies" is not appropriate. (_If he calls me that ONE more time, I am taking my Glocks and giving his alt mode's engine a few "adjustments". Let's see you drive with a few bullet holes in there, Sides!_)

**2. ****It is a bad idea to paint Ironhide pink. **

He's the one in charge of running drills. Unless you want him making you spend 12 hours strait doing obstacle courses as his revenge, just DON'T! (_He sure did look hilarious though! The expression on his face! I don't know who did it, but NICE!_) On second thought, don't paint ANY of the Autobots.

Good call. Ah like ma paint job jus fine, thanks.

**3. If a human female has increased hormonal levels, try to avoid them. **

Trust me, ya DON want ta antagonize em when it's "that time of the month". Specially Red. (_I am not that bad! Sure, I may have put a few men and bots in the med bay, but they were only bruised or missing leg armor._) See wa Ah mean? Luckily, most other women don attack, they jus scream.

**4. ****If Ratchet schedules you an appointment, GO!**

He's nicknamed "The Hatchet" for a reason. If you don't show up, he will hunt you down and carry you to the med bay, whether you like it or not. (_I can speak from experience on this. I don't like hospitals, so I thought if I just stayed on the opposite side of the base from him, he wouldn't find me. Boy, did THAT plan fail!_)

**5. Humans do not appreciate being picked up like dolls. **

Que, eva the scientist, had jus landed, an when he saw humans fore the first time, he picked one up an started examinin her. (_Guess who he picked up? ME! I still CANNOT believe he just grabbed me!_) Red stabbed im with her sword fore Bossbot could tell im to put her down. Now, he goes outa his way ta avoid her. Kinda funny, really.

**6. ****It's best to just ignore Skidz and Mudflap. **

Those two have NO idea what the heck they are doing. If they aren't fighting Cons, they are fighting each other, usually loudly, with lots of wrestling and crude language. (_They almost stepped on me once! And another time Lennox's three year old daughter heard them swearing and asked what the words meant. Boy, Lennox was NOT pleased by that!)_

**7. Bones should NOT be visible on the outside of a human's body****. **

If ya see a bone stikin out, get Ratchet or Jolt. Tha bones are supposed ta remain on tha inside of the human body. Bein able ta see em without a scan or X-Ray is BAD.(_Note, he did NOT say Que or Wheeljack. They are a scientist and an inventor, not medics. They are just as likely to break more bones as they are of setting them. Once again, I speak from experience._)

**8. ****Do NOT accept anything from Wheeljack. **

That's a great way to get yourself into the med bay. His inventions tend to spontaneously combust, literally. He once made us this thing that looked like a normal backpack, but was actually a jetpack_. _(_I tried it first. 15 seconds after rising into the air, it gave a weird PAUGUF noise and exploded. Have I mentioned I don't like hospitals? I was in the med bay, for two whole weeks. Yeah, Jack found his lab "mysteriously" on fire the day I got out._)

**9. Don't drive over 150 mph when a human is in your cab****. **

Unless ya want tha passenger ta purge on yer interior. It's a pain in the aft ta clean. If it's not a life or death emergency, just stick ta tha speed limit. (_We are looking at you Sideswipe! How many police chases have you been in now?!_)

**10. If Optimus Prime curses, it's BAD!**

It is almost impossible to upset the Prime. Only a rampaging Megatron can make him angry enough to curse.

So if tha Bossbot curses...

Grab a gun. (_Or a grenade. Or missile launcher. Definitely some Sabot rounds. Really, just grab every dangerous object you can lay your hands/servos on. Your gonna need them._)

Ya got that right.

**~AN~**

**How did I do with Jazz's accent? Are there any other Autobots that show up after the first movie that you want mentioned? Let me know!**


End file.
